Captain Australia

Friday, 5th January 2007

Checking through my emails this morning I came across this fun little questionnaire from my good friend Lucas. As a way of unwinding from the big day yesterday before my session hitting a few balls to Lleyton to allow him to work on his return-of-serve, I thought I'd fill it out.

1.      What time is it?  14:30 (superheroes always use 24 hour time – it helps us keep track when changing time zones)

2.      Name as it appears on your birth certificate:  Captain Australia (The ranking ‘Captain’ isn’t technically a military rank – it actually is my first name)

3.      Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake:  The last time I had a birthday cake I was twelve. My entire family were killed shortly afterwards in a tragic face-painting accident – which meant I was forced to fend for myself and had no further birthday cakes. Not that I regret the turns my life has had, as they have allowed me to become the superhero you see today.

4.      Favourite animal: A few years back I would naturally say the kangaroo or emu as they are the animal charged with the responsibility of holding our great nation’s coat of arms (no easy task given the emu’s total lack of arms or hands and neither animals possessing opposable thumbs – a total balls up from the administrators, don’t get me started…), but now having spent more time with Steve Irwin, coaching him on his media career and getting to know a bit better the man inside the short shorts, my appreciation of all our country’s beautiful fauna has increased tenfold.

5.      Favourite TV show:  I’ve always been a big fan of your Malcolm Douglas, Alby Mangels, Steve Irwin type outback adventurers, just because they show more of the Australia that I know and love. Australia's Funniest Home Videos is always a classic to plonk down in front of and have a genuine superhero belly laugh.

6.      Tattoo? I don’t carry any skin art, but my heart has been branded with a love for this nation, its people and all that it stands for that I cannot help but wear it on my sleeve and parade it on display.

7.      How much do you love your job(s)?  Being Captain Australia is more than a job, more than a career, it’s a lifestyle, it’s my identity, it’s who I am, and I love it, and kids love it to.

8.      Birthplace:  Somewhere in the outback, Australia.

9.      Favourite vacation spot: Its an unfortunate part of being a Superhero that we don’t actually get holidays but if you are considering taking one, I would highly recommend Australia.

10.  Ever been to Africa?  Yep, once. It's alright I guess. I’m not in a hurry to go back. Why leave Australia?

11.  Stolen any traffic signs? No, and kids, if some of your so-called ‘friends’ encourage you to vandalise this great country of ours, just say, ‘Captain Australia wouldn’t want me to.’ Everyone will respect you for it.

12.  Ever been in a car accident? I’ve attended many an accident scene to assist pulling screaming victims from burning cars, despite huge risks to my own personal safety.

13.  Croutons or bacon bits?  Why do you have to choose? I don't want to eat at a place that makes you choose between these thing...why can't I have both??? That’s what’s great about this country – the availability of choice.

14.  2-door or 4-door car?  Captain Australia’s ‘Oz-mobile’ is a Holden Sandman Panelvan which is technically a three-door.

(Captain Australia spotted at un undisclosed location)

15.  Coffee or tea:  I drink billy-tea after swinging it around my head as the aboriginals taught me.

16.  Salad dressing:  Vegemite

17.  Favourite dessert: Pavlova.

18.  Favourite number: So many…        
                                            1788 (The First Fleet)

                                            1901 (Federation)

                                            1983 (Australia II won the America’s Cup)

                                            1999 (Steve Waugh’s team won the Cricket World Cup in England)

                 … and so many more.

19.  Favourite movie(s):  Man from Snowy River (in all its new, technicolour glory on DVD... shows the high country as I know it!). I’m also a fan of Yahoo Serious’ work in ‘Young Einstein’ and ‘Reckless Kelly’. (Ha! A talking dog… who would have thought of it?! ‘Corn Flakes!)

20.  Favourite colour(s):  Green and Gold

21.  Favourite holiday:  Read earlier question about holidays

22.  Favourite food:  I like meat pies, anything cooked on the barbeque and pavlova

(Here Captain Australia assures all the listeners in Melbourne that they are in good hands)

23.  Favourite days of the week:  I don't discriminate...they're all good. I am particularly fond of ANZAC day though, and am of the opinion that one of our regular seven days should be renamed in honour of our fallen heroes. How much easier would it be to jump out of bed on ANZAC day then on your regular Monday?! If the ANZACS can give their lives for my freedom then I can get out of bed without grumbling!

24.  Favourite toothpaste: White is good. Don’t underestimate the value of vigilant dental hygiene kids.

25.  Most recently read book:  Steve Waugh’s Ashes tour diaries.

26.  Perfume/cologne:  Aboriginals once taught me how to deodorise myself whilst tracking a person or perhaps a wild animal in need of help by mixing a brew of eucalyptus oil (what can't that stuff be used for?!!) and fresh mountain spring water from the mighty Snowy river and swabbing it over my sweat pores. Very effective – and a surprisingly powerful aphrodisiac for those who do catch the scent.

27.  Favourite scent:  At the moment it's the scent of fear from the opponents of Hewitt and Stosur.

28.  Favourite fast-food place:  The local Fish and Chip shop (NOT Flakey Jakes! You do not franchise an Australian icon. Except for the Cheesecake shop. Mmmm… cheesecake.)

29.  When was your last hospital stay?  I regularly drop into the Royal Children’s to brighten up the days of some brave kids. If Captain Australia can bring a smile to the face of sick kids by swinging past then that’s where my duty calls me. Those kids are the real heros here my friends.

30.  Where do you see yourself in 10 years?  Fighting the good fight, inspiring the lost and broken, broadening the horizons of people’s dreams.

31.  What do you do when you are bored?  I think ‘What would Don Bradman do at a time like this?’ Then I go out and hit a golf ball against a water tank with a cricket stump.

(Captain Australia with his trusty sidekick Disproportionate Head Boy)

32.  Who will respond the fastest: Captain New Zealand never has much to do…

33.  Least likely to respond: Captain America is a bit arrogant so probably thinks this is beneath him.

34.  Last vacation: What’s with all the holiday questions?

35.  Last concert: Living End. (Rock on Australia!)  I also went to a Tsunami appeal concert featuring good friends of mine Midnight Oil. I ask you the question they asked me – ‘How can we sleep when our beds are burning?’ Not easily I imagine.

36.  First thing you would buy with a million dollars: Captain Australia’s reward is worth more than mere money, it is the lifting of peoples spirits… but maybe a new car for my friend Lucas.

37.  What time is it now?  14:31 (superhero’s type at 3000 words per minute)